Wednesday, June 1
Friday, May 13
Tuesday, May 10
So CLS has this friend named C. They met 2 summers ago while studying abroad during the summer.
CLS thought he was normal, and they became friends. I am not sure the exact order and timing of things but once they got back to school in America that fall, at some point C went crazy, professed his love for my boy and became stalkerish.
I guess this has been going on for sometime, CLS tried to get rid of him but it doesnt work. He deleted him off fb, stopped hanging out with him, and even now barley responds.
But C does not stop.
I read all the text messages. CLS knows, he shows me.
Apperently C is getting very jealous of me, I feel like his the other women, or I am, I am not sure. SO confusing.
But here are a few of my favorite things C has said:
-"You always ignore me when you are with her but talk to her when you are with me"
-"You have to choose."
-"You always make time for her on my weekends but never make time for me on her weekends."
-"You can read her this because I am assuming she is laying besides you."
-"Sorry I just had to get my jealousy comment in there someplace."
-"The more you like her, the less I like you."
Yes it is weird. He is extremely jealous of me, thinks I just "showed up" in CLS's life recently, does not allow CLS to talk to me when they are together (even though he always does), gets angry when me and CLS do things together (sorry they are dates, I am allowed to go on dates with him) and sends him many novels (extremely long text messages).
He tried to convince CLS not to come out to visit me last weekend because their school year is almost over and he didn't think it was a good use of his time.
He told him I am not allowed to come to Senior Night (you can bring one guest) because he would be too jealous. Well I am DEFINTLY going now.
Wants to go away together for the weekend.
Wants to have sleepovers with him. Yes he says sleepovers, with no sleep. Kill me now.
I was getting very freaked out by all of this. So I did talk about it with CLS and apparently C has talked about suicide in the past and so CLS feels he cant just bail.
Ok I understand that but last night he kept texting him accusing him of being with me and spending too many nights with me (sorry I'm not sorry its totally true). Then this morning he sent him 3 extremely long texts and told him he had to choose, WHO DOES THAT? I never even told him to choose.
This is just redic. And I will be kissing CLS and holding his hand, and innocently touching him ALL night senior night.
Off to the gym to get all skinny and pretty for Senior Night next week.
This is sooooo weird
Sunday, April 24
Friday, April 22
Tuesday, April 19
Monday, April 11
I am not stupid. I am not the same person I am two and a half years ago. I have changed and I am so much more aware. I have grown up.
I know I am going to get hurt, because I dont think I could ever hurt him, at all. As much as I want to walk away, bail on plans or flat out ignore him when he text me, I can never.
I do not need to be warned, or told when he is being lame, or sketchy or weird.I KNOW. I am perfectly capable of assessing a situation on my own. I am not a dumb girl, I do not make excuses for him, or think something of nothing. I dont need to ask everyones opinion and have everyone weigh in on what I should say back. I can do it, thank you.
I hate girls who play over analyze how boys treat them. If a boy wants to talk to you, he will call or text you. If he wants to hang out, he will ask. He wants to kiss you, make out with you, hold your hand, sleep with you, he will do it.
They are boys, they are not monkeys. They speak the same language as us, they know what they are doing, they know how to use a phone, drive a car and make sure you know how much they like you.
Yes, girlfriends want to be nice and helpful and make you feel better, but making excuses for boys is not helpful. Hello, have you ever seen/read He’s Just Not That Into You. I dont need your two cents when I say he didn’t respond. I know it was uncool. I dont need your reassurance. I can feel things on my own. I am a big kid.
I can take his actions for what they are. But I also am secure enough to text him first if I really want to talk to him. I can handle the fact he is busy and has a lot to do.
My friendship with him is mine. I do not need to tell you everything we did last weekend, or every time we talk. I really dont tell you because I dont want to hear your opinion on it. Because your opinion does not matter in this situation.
Friendships are not all the same either. I do not want a romantic, perfect, friendship. I want to fight and argue with him. I want to call him out when he is being stupid and tell him what I really think about his shoes and shirts. I am not scared about hurting his feelings, or pissing him off so much he will walk away. I know my limits, believe me, I have test them and pushed them. I have gone past them a time or two as well. I care more about his feelings, that I am not even sure he as, then I will ever let on. I dont need sappy love notes or flowers or poems. That creeps me out. I want complicated, and difficult and chemistry.
But I am also a girl. I do want to be called, and texted. I want an effort made. I want you to want to talk to me. I want you to care, I talk to you and ramble because I genuinely want to know about you and your life. You have never asked one question. Yes I may be type A and controlling, but I would rather you ask me out. I know you say you love being together, but it makes me feel like you care half as much when you initiate it. I dont see money as an object or a factor in doing most things, and you do. Thats okay. I would be just as happy to watch a movie, play a game, or just sit on your bed as I would be at a basketball game. I would probably be more happy. Just ask.
Distance is hard. Guessing is harder. Waiting is the hardest.
I am doing this because I never got over it. I never really gave up. People think I am stupid and naive. I am neither. I know exactly what I am doing. I am giving you a second chance because otherwise I will always wonder. I know what you are capable of. I know you have power over my feelings and emotions. I know you can break my heart.
But what you dont know is how I feel when you do call. How happy your text message tone makes me. How my stomach drops and my breath is literally taken away every time you reach for my hand. How that long horrible drive is worth it all when I see you for the first time. How much the sound of your laugh makes me smile. How when I am with you there is no other person in the world; school, test, jobs, friends, drama, all of that doesn’t exist.
I am not stupid. I know other people feel like that about other people. But for me, right now, its him, so let it gooooo.
At one point I will have to stop. But I cant let go with out closer. I am waiting for you to break my heart. Turn back into that guy you were 2 and a half years ago. I am not going to take subtle hints. You know me better then that.
Hurt me. Hate me. Leave me.
Saturday, April 9
Monday, April 4
Sunday, April 3
- Internship prepping/interviews
- My aunt was creeping, and telling my mom
- People started asking/making assumptions about me and CLS
- I didnt want to see CLS's profile and stress over the little dumb things
Wednesday, March 30
It is finally that time of year, where we tend to lay out before class, after class, and yes even during class (such as today!).
Tuesday, March 29
About a month or two into our friendship I said it once and he said that was a "big word" and somehow love turned into "four letters"
I four you.
I four-letter you.
Monday, March 28
Here’s how you enter:
Required: Follow us either on tumblr or twitter (@justmadras)
1 entry: If you’re on tumblr, reblog this — and if you’re on twitter, tweet about it @just madras…and if you do both you’ll get two entries !
Another entry: Blog about this contest on a different platform, and send us the link.
We’ll be accepting entries until 5 PM eastern time on Friday and the winner will be randomly selected shortly after.
Oh! And get this - we want to send some Just Madras koozies to our 100th tumblr follower, so keep following!
Monday, March 21
So I will be studying so much the next two days! It is not exciting, and the worst part is I will not be able to watch PLL tonight! I am going to have to stay away from Tumblr so I dont hear about what happens.